Greetings temporary primate overlords.

Charles Ozymandius Freak here.

It's been a while since I last wrote and, probably due to said fact, earlier today my primary care monkey sidled up to me.

To be honest she does generally prefer the term "mum" but, of late, I just haven't been getting that whole family resemblance thing and,  between you and me, am starting to think I may quite possibly be adopted.

But I digress...

"Charlie" she says (in that sweet, friendly tone she reserves for when she's being neither). 

I dialed my eyes up to 8.5 cute, just in case, and waited.

"Charlie you know how it says on your job description

 'Working Cocker Spaniel'?"

This sounded bad but I assumed it was rhetorical (although I did momentarily consider going on up to 9.0 with the eyes),

"Well", she went on, "the crucial term there is 'working'. 

Your dad and I have had a talk and think it's about time you got off your unemployed, freeloading, furry arse and did something to help around here". 

After which there was a further list of my shortcomings and a passing

 reference,  I think, to something called a "Korean Barbeque".

 I'll freely admit that I did zone out a bit after the first ten minutes or so.

Well, needless to say, I can take a hint. 

So, without further ado, here is a list of simian friendly activities you might enjoy: